You Don’t Always Have to Feel Feelings RIGHT NOW

Episode 55: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube
View transcript on Buzzsprout

In this episode of Regulate & Rewire, Amanda debunks the myth that healing requires feeling every feeling the moment it arises. She offers a compassionate, research-backed reframe of emotional regulation and introduces a more nuanced, empowering way to navigate emotional waves.

Whether you’ve struggled with pushing emotions away or drowning in them, Amanda shares how to build emotional fitness over time—so you can meet feelings with capacity, not chaos.

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What We Cover in This Episode

• The difference between avoiding and distracting from emotions
• Why “feeling your feelings” isn’t always the most helpful advice
• Emotional regulation vs. emotional fitness
• Five key truths about feelings
• How to intentionally create more of the feelings you want

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What Is Emotional Fitness?

Amanda reframes emotional regulation as emotional fitness – a skill set that builds over time. Just like you wouldn’t lift a 300-pound weight without training, trying to process overwhelming emotions without tools or readiness can lead to emotional harm. Emotional fitness means developing the strength and capacity to hold, move through, and respond to emotions over time, not all at once.

She invites listeners to challenge the oversimplified message of “feel your feelings” by integrating the concept of titration – the practice of gradually increasing exposure to overwhelming sensations, stories, or emotions in manageable doses.

Avoiding vs. Distracting vs. Dealing

Amanda breaks down three ways people respond to emotions:

• Avoiding: Denying, numbing, or suppressing feelings. Often unconscious and unhelpful.
  
• Distracting: Consciously choosing to pause or shift attention until you can return to the emotion later. A helpful short-term strategy.
  
• Dealing: Turning toward the feeling with intention, reflection, and regulation tools to process and release.
  

Distraction, when used with awareness and intention, can be a vital tool in emotional regulation. As Amanda shares from personal experience, timing matters. You don’t have to fall apart the moment emotion arises—you can choose when and how to return to it.

5 Facts About Feelings

1. Feelings are 50/50: Expect a full human experience—50% desirable emotions, 50% hard ones. Healing doesn’t erase discomfort; it expands your capacity.
   
2. No feeling is “bad”: Every emotion serves a purpose, even if it’s painful. Shame, grief, anger—they all carry wisdom.
3. You can be both: Human emotion is complex. You can be devastated and grateful, joyful and heartbroken.
4. Feelings are valid: Even if your emotional response feels big or disproportionate, it’s valid. Your past, your nervous system, and your context all matter.
5. Resistance makes it worse: Fighting or judging feelings amplifies them. Compassionate awareness can diffuse intensity.

Where Feelings Come From

Amanda explains that feelings can arise from:

• Thoughts (Top-Down): A thought triggers a cascade of neurotransmitters, creating bodily sensations.
• Nervous System States (Bottom-Up): Activation or shutdown in your body sends messages to the brain, which assigns meaning based on past experiences.

This is why logic often fails to shift feelings. The body speaks first. The brain interprets. And the two can get tangled.

How Emotions Serve You

All emotions have a function. Amanda invites you to consider: What is this emotion trying to tell me?

• Overwhelm can be a signal to slow down or recalibrate.
• Anger might point to a crossed boundary.
• Grief may reflect deep love or unmet needs.

Understanding the purpose behind a feeling doesn’t make it easier, but it makes it make sense.

You Can Intentionally Create Emotion

Amanda reminds us that we’re not at the mercy of our emotions. With enough nervous system regulation and awareness, we can begin to:

• Choose thoughts that generate more empowering feelings
• Engage in behaviors that help shift our emotional state

She encourages journaling prompts like:

• What actions support it?
• What emotion would serve me this week?
• What thoughts generate that feeling?

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Three Tangible Takeaways

1. You don’t always have to feel your feelings right now. Timing, safety, and capacity matter. Distraction can be a valid and helpful pause.
   
2. Emotions are messengers, not enemies. They hold wisdom. Understanding their purpose gives you more agency.
   
3. You can build emotional fitness. Like any skill, your ability to process emotion strengthens with time, support, and practice.

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Looking for more personalized support?

• Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)
• Join me inside the  Regulated Living Membership, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)
• Join my Release Class – Monthly guided nervous system regulation class
• Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!
• Download free resources here

*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.

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Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.