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Have you ever been told that your anxiety is “just the way you are” or that you were “born anxious” and will need to manage it for life? Maybe you’ve tried countless thinking-based approaches—cognitive therapy, mindset work, positive affirmations—but still find yourself stuck in the same anxious patterns, feeling overwhelmed and out of control.
What if everything you’ve been told about anxiety is missing the most crucial piece? What if anxiety isn’t a thinking problem at all, but a body-based alarm system that’s stuck in survival mode—and there’s actually a clear roadmap to healing it?
This episode marks the beginning of a three-part anxiety series that will completely transform how you understand and approach your anxiety. Today, we’re laying the foundation by exploring what anxiety actually is through a nervous system lens.
Most people have anxiety completely backwards. We’ve been conditioned to think of anxiety as a thinking problem—spiraling thoughts, worst-case scenario planning, mental overwhelm. But here’s the truth that changes everything: anxiety is a body-based alarm that originates in your nervous system, not your mind.
Think about it this way: have you ever noticed that you can feel anxious in your body before your mind even catches up with why? Maybe you’re pouring your morning coffee and suddenly feel that familiar tightness in your chest, racing heart, or pit in your stomach—and then your brain scrambles to figure out what you should be worried about.
This happens because anxiety starts as a physiological alarm in your body. Your nervous system detects something it perceives as threatening (even when you’re logically safe), activates your fight-or-flight response, and then your thinking brain tries to make sense of why you feel alarmed by creating stories and worries that match the activated state.
Here’s a powerful concept that explains why anxiety feels so consuming:
Imagine a friend who usually texts back quickly hasn’t responded for hours. If you’re in an anxious state, your brain offers stories like “They’re mad at me” or “Something terrible happened.” If you’re feeling depressed, you might think “They don’t care about me” or “I don’t matter.” But on a regulated day, you think “They’re probably busy—I’ll call later if I don’t hear back.”
Same situation, completely different interpretations. That’s because thoughts aren’t the root cause of anxiety—they’re the byproduct. Thoughts are symptoms of the alarm state, not the cause of it.
Understanding how anxiety actually works helps explain why thinking your way out of it doesn’t work. Here’s what really happens:
This is why you can’t think your way out of anxiety any more than you could think your way out of overeating by eating more food. When you’re in an activated state, the part of your brain responsible for logical thinking, planning, and decision-making literally goes offline. You’re trying to use a system that’s impaired to fix the very problem that impaired it.
This happens for very specific reasons rooted in your nervous system’s programming. We overestimate threats because our nervous system learned to scan for danger based on past experiences where we weren’t safe. We underestimate our abilities because we don’t have evidence or context that we can handle challenging situations—and in moments of activation, we often feel like that overwhelmed child again.
Here’s something that might surprise you: 80% of your brain development happens by age five. This means that most of your operating manual for how to get your needs met, what feels safe, and how to navigate the world was written by a very young version of yourself.
That little child had to figure out how to stay attached to their caregivers (their literal survival depended on it) while also trying to get their needs met. Every time you experienced overwhelming stress as a child—whether from chaos, unpredictable parents, emotional neglect, or even well-meaning parents who couldn’t regulate themselves—that stress energy got stored in your body when you couldn’t complete the natural stress cycle.
Your nervous system remembers every situation where you didn’t feel safe, seen, heard, or supported. It created an internal database of potential threats based on a child’s limited understanding of the world. Now, as an adult, anything that feels familiar to those past experiences triggers that same alarm system.
We’re biologically designed to be community-based hunters and gatherers, but we’re living in a culture that prioritizes productivity over purpose and competition over connection. We’re overstimulated, under-rested, and operating in chronic stress mode.
Your anxiety isn’t a personal failure or moral weakness. It’s your nervous system responding exactly as it was designed to, based on the combination of your past experiences and current life circumstances. The problem isn’t that you’re broken—the problem is that you’re using ancient hardware in a modern environment without the user manual.
Traditional approaches focus on managing anxiety symptoms, but nervous system healing focuses on addressing the root cause: the alarm state in your body. When you learn to regulate your nervous system—to recognize activation and have tools to shift back toward safety—you’re not just coping with anxiety, you’re actually healing it.
This doesn’t mean anxiety will never show up again. A healthy nervous system still activates when there’s real danger or stress. But instead of being stuck in chronic activation, you develop the skills to move fluidly between states and return to regulation.
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Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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