Feel Like You Can’t Rest Until Everything Is Done? Here’s How to Shift That
Episode 72: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube
View transcript on Buzzsprout
If rest feels like something you have to earn—or something you can’t enjoy until every box is checked—you’re in good company. In this episode, Amanda continues the conversation from last week by exploring the deeply ingrained default pattern of postponing rest until “everything is done.”
What We Cover in This Episode
- Why “I’ll rest when it’s done” feels so hard to shake
- The nervous system logic behind this default pattern
- Top-down vs. bottom-up strategies for shifting it
- A 3-part process to interrupt and rewire urgency
- Small experiments to make rest feel more doable
The Default Pattern of Earned Rest
Last week’s episode focused on urgency—how our nervous systems often default to “go, go, go” even when nothing is truly urgent. This week, Amanda builds on that idea by zooming in on another common pattern: believing you can’t rest until it’s all done.
Whether it’s chores, emails, or invisible mental to-dos, many of us live with a low-level buzz of productivity anxiety. But here’s the kicker: it never all gets done. So rest never really happens.
Amanda shares client stories that show how this pattern plays out across different life contexts: stay-at-home parents, farm workers, and even those in therapy who “know better” but still can’t do better. The through-line? This isn’t about logic. It’s about nervous system wiring shaped by survival, attachment, and early life rhythms.
Top-Down and Bottom-Up: Why You Need Both
Understanding the pattern is step one. But shifting it requires more than insight. Amanda explains how rewiring happens through both cognitive reframing (top-down) and embodied practice (bottom-up).
Top-down: Challenging the belief that productivity equals worth. Asking yourself: “What if I rested, and nothing bad happened?”
Bottom-up: Giving your body repeated, safe experiences of rest—even if it’s just three breaths before tending to the next task.
Stretch, Don’t Stress the System
Repatterning doesn’t mean jumping into 30-minute meditation if your system resists rest. Amanda teaches a gentle method: stretch the system, don’t stress it. Start with five minutes. Or three breaths. Let it be uncomfortable.
Repeat. Reinforce. Reward.
Rewiring the nervous system happens through repetition (keep trying it), reinforcement (notice it worked), and reward (celebrate even the tiniest win). Amanda shares ways to build this into everyday life—without making it another task on the to-do list.
Three Tangible Takeaways
- Catch: Notice the moments you feel pulled to skip rest or keep doing more.
- Challenge: Ask, “What if I didn’t? What if I took three breaths instead?”
- Change: Start small. Let rest be uncomfortable until it isn’t. Choose differently, one moment at a time.
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Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
