Episode 32: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube
View transcript on Buzzsprout
Life as a parent can feel like trying to lift a 300-pound weight when you’ve only got the capacity for 50. If you’re feeling maxed out by everything on your plate, this post will show you how to start decreasing your mental and emotional load while building your capacity—one choice at a time.
Parenting is inherently demanding, but burnout happens when the load outweighs our capacity. Think of it like weightlifting: if your nervous system can only handle 50 pounds of stress, but you’re trying to carry 300 pounds of responsibilities, you will eventually collapse. Most of us were never taught how to “train” for parenthood—how to build capacity or set limits on our load.
That’s where nervous system regulation becomes critical. It helps you learn what’s truly doable in your current state and make intentional shifts toward more sustainable functioning.
One of the most powerful tools for decreasing load is the simple question: says who? Amanda shares how this five-day experiment—questioning every task and assumption—helped her rethink what she actually had to do. Making dinner? Says who. Folding laundry? Says who. Responding to every DM, email, or playdate invitation? Says who.
This isn’t about abandoning responsibilities. It’s about creating choice. When you realize you don’t have to live by someone else’s rules or expectations, you start reclaiming your agency and capacity.
And while, “says who?!” is really powerful, let’s be real: some parts of parenting can’t be offloaded. If you’re raising children with special needs, navigating chronic stress, or parenting without much support, your load is heavier—and less flexible. That’s why this work must be deeply compassionate.
You might not be able to change everything, but you can change something. Often that starts with letting go of the “emotional load”—the guilt, shame, and shoulds you’ve been carrying. It also means asking for help, setting clearer boundaries, and building a village (even if you have to write your number on a napkin in a grocery store parking lot).
Want to increase your capacity? Start by getting honest about what needs to go. Then prioritize rest and nourishment. It might sound overly simple, but eating a real breakfast and staying off your phone from 9pm to 9am can change your entire baseline.
Why? Because your nervous system needs fuel and recovery time. Without it, you’re always operating in survival mode—and capacity doesn’t grow there.Inside Regulated Living Membership, Amanda walks members through this exact recalibration process. The foundation isn’t fancy—it’s food, sleep, breath, and space. From there, your system becomes more resilient.
Some of you may want to skip straight to the “increase capacity” part, hoping to muscle through. But you can’t add weight to the bar until your nervous system is steady. That means:
Once your system stabilizes, that’s when tools like movement, cold exposure, and somatic practices become powerful ways to expand capacity.
*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
A mental health newsletter that feels like a deep breath: simple, grounding, and here to remind you that healing is possible.
Regulated Living provides neuroscience-backed mental health coaching to help you regulate your nervous system and reclaim your life from anxiety and depression.
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