How to Speak the Language of the Nervous System
Episode 3: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube
View transcript on Buzzsprout
Have you ever been in a situation where you logically knew you were safe, but your body didn’t get the memo? Maybe you’re at dinner with friends, feeling perfectly fine one moment, then suddenly overwhelmed with anxiety for no apparent reason. You tell yourself “calm down, you’re okay,” but those rational thoughts feel powerless against the racing heart and tight chest.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not broken—you’re just speaking the wrong language to your nervous system. Your body doesn’t understand logic or verbal reasoning. It speaks somatic—the language of felt experience, sensation, and safety signals that you can actually control.
What We Cover in This Episode
- Why telling yourself to “calm down” never works (and what to do instead)
- The three essential elements your nervous system needs to feel safe
- How to develop interoception—your ability to feel what’s happening inside your body
- Practical somatic tools you can use in public when anxiety strikes
- Why different nervous system states require different regulation approaches
The “Show Me, Don’t Tell Me” Language of Your Body
Your nervous system doesn’t speak English, Spanish, or any verbal language. It speaks somatic—the language of felt experience, sensation, and physicality. When you tell yourself to “calm down” during a panic attack, you’re essentially trying to speak Spanish to someone who only understands French. No wonder it doesn’t work.
Somatic practices are any tools that use the mind-body connection to help you survey your internal state and shift it. Think of it as body-based communication—instead of telling your nervous system you’re safe, you show it through physical actions that create actual physiological changes.
This is why you can logically know you’re fine while still feeling terrible. Your thinking brain might understand safety, but your nervous system is reading danger signals in your environment and responding accordingly.
The Three Pillars of Nervous System Safety
Your nervous system needs three essential elements to feel truly safe:
Context + Connection + Choice = Safety
Context means understanding what’s happening and why. Having familiarity or explanation for your current experience. This is why psychoeducation about how your nervous system works is so healing—it provides context for your symptoms.
Connection includes connection to yourself (self-regulation skills) and safe connection to others. Research shows that having access to co-regulation—when a regulated nervous system helps calm a dysregulated one—can significantly impact whether an experience becomes traumatic or manageable.
Choice is a sense of autonomy and control in your situation. When we feel trapped without options, our nervous system reads this as danger.
Without these three elements, your nervous system will activate its threat response. This is why childhood experiences are so formative—children typically have limited context for the world, depend entirely on others for safety, and have little choice or autonomy.
Building Your Body Awareness: Neuroception vs. Interoception
Your nervous system uses two important processes to navigate safety:
Neuroception is what your nervous system does automatically—that lighthouse scanning we discussed in episode one. It distinguishes whether situations are safe, dangerous, or life-threatening without your conscious awareness.
Interoception is your ability to sense what’s happening inside your body. It’s both automatic and a skill you can develop. Interoception allows you to answer the question “How do I feel right now?” not with thoughts, but with actual body sensations.
Many people struggling with anxiety and depression have become disconnected from their bodies, living primarily in their heads. When asked how they feel, they launch into stories or thoughts rather than identifying actual sensations. Remember: feelings are one word—scared, excited, frustrated, calm.
Real-World Somatic Tools for Anxiety
Let’s get practical. You’re out to dinner with friends and suddenly feel overwhelmed with anxiety. Here are three evidence-based somatic tools you can use, even in public:
The Ice Cube Technique: Grab an ice cube and hold it under the table. The cold sensation immediately brings you back into your body, creating a pause that interrupts the anxiety spiral.
Strategic Movement and Cold Water: When you’re activated, your body wants to move (that’s the “mobilize” part of fight-or-flight). Honor this by excusing yourself to the bathroom. Move your body, run cold water over your hands while taking extended exhales. You’re showing your body: “I heard you, I took action, and now we’re safe.”Extended Exhales: Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, making the exhale longer than the inhale. This physiologically shifts you toward your parasympathetic state because your heart rate and breathing always mirror each other.
Three Powerful Somatic Practices to Try This Week
Legs Up the Wall: Put your back on the floor and rest your legs straight up against a wall. Gravity does the work—blood flows from your legs toward your heart, naturally slowing your heart rate and breathing. Stay for 2-10 minutes.
Orienting: When stressed, your vision becomes tunnel-focused. Counteract this by intentionally opening your peripheral vision and slowly scanning your environment, looking at things near and far.
Extended Exhale Breathing: The universal regulation tool that works for any breathing human. In through nose, out through mouth, longer exhales than inhales.
Three Tangible Takeaways
- Accept That Logic Isn’t Enough Recognize that you cannot talk your way out of anxiety or depression. When telling yourself to “calm down” doesn’t work, it’s not a character flaw—you’re simply speaking the wrong language to your nervous system. Start learning to communicate through felt experience instead.
- Build Your Interoception Skills Start paying attention to what activation and regulation feel like in your body. Keep a simple log this week: What situations, people, or environments feel activating versus regulating? This awareness gives you context and choice—two of the three pillars your nervous system needs.
- Choose One Somatic Practice Select one of the three practices I shared and experiment with it several times this week. Notice how it affects your nervous system. Remember, you’re collecting “regulation reps” that strengthen your nervous system’s capacity over time.
Want to Go Deeper?
Download free resources here or explore personalized support through:
- Regulated Living Membership – Monthly membership for nervous system healing
- Restore – 1:1 coaching program for anxiety and depression
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
