Navigating Overwhelm & Dysregulation in Parenting
Episode 73: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube
View transcript on Buzzsprout
Overwhelmed by chaos, noise, and constant demands? I think every parent has felt this (or does often). This episode responds to a listener’s heartfelt request: how do we stay regulated as parents when everything feels out of control? Amanda shares nervous system-informed reflections on parenting, control, hypervigilance, and why the work of regulation is crucial—not just for our kids, but for ourselves.
What We Cover in This Episode
- Understanding hypervigilance as a trauma response
- Why control often escalates the very behaviors we’re trying to prevent
- Nervous system dysregulation in parenting and how to spot it
- Tangible mindset shifts and somatic tools to create space
- Reframing parenting moments through compassion and nervous system literacy
When Parenting Feels Like Too Much
Amanda opens with an honest email from a listener—a parent to four kids, one with special needs—who’s struggling with overwhelm and the need to control chaos. From the jump, Amanda invites listeners to hear themselves in this message. Whether you’re a parent or simply someone navigating dysregulation in noisy, unpredictable environments, the themes apply widely.
When your stress bucket is full before you even get out of bed, it’s no wonder you’re on edge. That’s not a failure—it’s a sign your nervous system is maxed out. Amanda normalizes the emotional labor of parenting and highlights the invisible load that often goes unacknowledged.
Hypervigilance: A Nervous System Response
Hypervigilance is more than anxiety. It’s a state of heightened alertness wired into your nervous system from past overwhelm. Amanda defines it simply: it’s what happens when your body is constantly scanning for potential threats. For many, that comes from trauma or chronic stress—especially in childhood homes that felt emotionally unsafe or unpredictable.
This survival state becomes the norm, and as Amanda explains, it creates a feedback loop. Your mind and body keep each other activated, escalating stress until burnout or shutdown takes over.
Understanding this doesn’t excuse outbursts or the need to control—but it explains them. And that understanding can create a crack of compassion big enough to let new tools in.
Control Doesn’t Always Protect—Sometimes It Prevents Growth
Amanda challenges the instinct to control everything as a way of staying safe. In parenting, she explains how this can backfire, preventing children from learning conflict resolution and emotional resilience.
A quote from a child psychologist offers perspective: jumping in too quickly sends the message that the environment isn’t safe—even when what’s happening is developmentally normal. Stepping back (when safe) supports both your regulation and theirs.
Three Tools to Shift the Pattern
Amanda offers three entry points for disrupting the control-hypervigilance-dysregulation loop:
- Reframe from “What If” to “Even If”: This practiced mindset shift builds resilience. Even if things get loud, messy, or emotional—you can handle it. But it must be practiced before you’re overwhelmed.
- Do Way Less: Overwhelm starts with overcommitment. Amanda encourages editing your stress bucket. Cut what’s not necessary, aligned, or joyful.
- Practice Nervous System-Savvy Parenting Mantras:
- “How developmentally appropriate of you to…”
- Firm but kind
- “I am the anchor while they storm”
- Connection before correction
These reframes help you pause, regulate, and respond—not react.
Three Tangible Takeaways
- Control is a response to dysregulation. When you feel the urge to control, it’s a cue to pause. One breath. Count to five. Then choose your next move.
- Hypervigilance is a nervous system habit born from chronic stress or trauma. It doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means your system adapted. And it can adapt again.
- Build regulation before expecting yourself to parent peacefully. Nervous system tools, somatic practices, and mantras like “I’m the anchor while they storm” help ground your response.
Looking for more personalized support?
- Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)
- Join me inside the Regulated Living Membership, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)
- Join my Release Class – Monthly guided nervous system regulation class
- Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!
- Download free resources here
*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
