Productivity Based Self Worth

anxiety, Regulate & Rewire Podcast

Episode 9: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube
View transcript on Buzzsprout

You check off ten things on your to-do list and feel amazing. The next day, you accomplish less and feel like a failure. You say yes to everyone’s requests while your own needs go unmet. You feel guilty when you rest, antsy when you’re not productive, and secretly believe that your worth is directly tied to how much you accomplish.

If this sounds familiar, you’re struggling with what I call “productivity based self worth”—the belief that your value as a human being is determined by how much you do, how busy you are, and how much you accomplish. This pattern is one of the biggest contributors to anxiety and depression I see in my practice, and it’s something I’ve personally battled for most of my life.

This episode is my most vulnerable yet, sharing the personal story of how I untangled my worth from my productivity, and the practical steps you can take to do the same.

What We Cover in This Episode

  • What productivity based self worth is and why it’s so common in modern society
  • My personal journey from “energizer bunny” to learning to rest without guilt
  • How childhood experiences and societal messaging create this pattern
  • The connection between productivity addiction and nervous system dysregulation
  • Why anxiety is the warning and depression is the shutdown
  • Practical questions and exercises to begin untangling your worth from your output

What Is Productivity Based Self Worth?

Productivity based self worth is the belief that your worth is directly tied to your productivity. It’s the idea that the more you accomplish, the more things you check off your to-do list, the more you do for other people, the better you can feel about yourself.

This pattern leaves us always chasing more—doing more, looking for our value in external achievements, piling more and more onto our plates. It’s incredibly dysregulating for our nervous system because we’re constantly in a state of stress and overwhelm, never allowing ourselves to rest or simply be.

My Personal Story: From Energizer Bunny to Burnout

I wasn’t a “teenage dirtbag”—I was a “pleasure to have in class” (minus the incessant talking). I’ve always overcommitted, said yes when I wanted to say no, and set unrealistic goals for myself. My college boyfriend even gave me an energizer bunny as a gift because I just went “go, go, go, go, go” all the time.

And I was praised for it. Good grades, athletics, honor student, supportive friend—this reinforced that this was my role in society. It kept me on the hamster wheel of doing more and more until it became crushing.

The Breaking Point

There was one night in my mid-twenties when I was looking at my to-do list after a really long day. I was working full-time at Google, part-time at a CrossFit gym, completing my master’s thesis, serving actively in my church, caring for my dog, attempting a social life, and doing daily check-ins with my sister who was struggling with her mental health.

And I thought to myself: “Someone busier than you is doing better than you.”

That was the first time I ever stood up for myself to myself. I immediately thought back: “Yeah, and there’s also somebody else out there doing a fraction of what you’re doing right now, and they are not a total jerk to themselves.”

The Turning Points

Several moments helped me recognize this pattern:

  1. The friend who asked: “What are you doing to meet your needs? Do you even know what your needs are?” I burst into tears because I had no idea.
  2. The experience in Zambia: I was volunteering with street children, and when someone asked for help washing dishes, I jumped up from playing with kids to do the “work.” I realized I was more comfortable with the black-and-white nature of productivity than with play.
  3. The wake-up call from a friend: She asked, “At what point is your son going to have to start earning his worth too?” Never. My child has worth that’s non-negotiable—so why couldn’t I see that truth for myself?

The Roots: Where This Pattern Comes From

We tie our self-worth to productivity because we’ve been taught to. Modern society, especially American culture, is built around productivity. We’re told that if we work hard, we can be and do and have anything we want, coupled with constant messaging about what we should want (always more).

My Family Patterns

Looking back, I can see how this was modeled in my home. My dad left before sunrise and came home after dark Monday through Friday. Long hours and weekend emails were normal. My mom was a superhero stay-at-home mom who did incredible things for us kids, but I never remember her just sitting down to enjoy herself or saying no to us to say yes to something for herself.

My child brain created the narrative that this is what it takes to be successful, and that being successful is important. I’m not blaming my parents—they were loving and supportive. But even well-meaning parents model what was modeled for them.

The Internalized Messages

From these experiences, I learned that success and worth is measured by:

  • How many hours you’re working
  • How stressed out you are
  • How many things you can juggle
  • How little support you need from others

Combined with being the oldest child and wanting to set a good example, it’s no mystery how I began to equate my worth with what I accomplished.

The Nervous System Connection

I believe that most of what I experienced as anxiety and depression was rooted in productivity based self worth. When you’re constantly trying to earn your worth, you inevitably add more and more onto your plate, often sacrificing your own needs.

This creates chronic stress patterns that impact both your emotional and physical state. You can only operate in overdrive for so long before it breaks you down.

Anxiety is the warning (the load is too heavy, there’s too much), and depression is the shutdown (the load lasted too long, the only way to survive is to shut down).

The Power of “Says Who?”

“Should” is the ultimate shame word. It signifies that we’re living by somebody else’s instruction manual instead of our own. When I hear “should” now, I ask: “Says who?”

  • You should do the dishes → Says who? Actually, I’m choosing to do the dishes because I want a clean kitchen.
  • You should fold fitted sheets perfectly → Says who? I wrap them over my fists and shove them in the drawer because other things matter more to me.

I spent a week questioning why I did everything I did. If everything matters, then nothing matters. I had to get clear on what mattered most in my life.

You cannot do it all by someone else’s standards. There’s a sobering truth that comes from realizing this. For me, it took multiple catalysts to untangle patterns that weren’t serving me. But once I started questioning the “shoulds” in my life, everything began to change.

The Ongoing Work

I’m still actively untangling my worth from productivity most days. This isn’t passive work—I constantly notice the urge to do more and use that as a cue to pause and ask:

  • Is this what I really want?
  • Do I have the capacity for this?
  • At what cost?

What I’ve Had to Learn:

  • Shift from “how much can I work?” to “how little can I do for it to be enough?”
  • Stop wearing busy like a badge of honor
  • Value my needs as much as others’ needs
  • Let things go and set boundaries
  • Cultivate self compassion
  • Remember how to play (my kids are helping me with this)
  • Take breaks and rest without earning it

What if we shifted our mindset from “How much work can I possibly get done?” to “How little work can I do to maximize the amount of my life that feels playful, joyful, and restful?”

I’m learning to value sitting in a hammock without my phone, throwing the ball for my dog, and watching my kid play in the dirt. There’s a past version of me who would have looked at that Amanda and asked, “Why aren’t you at least responding to emails?”

Your worth is not earned. You could make a million dollars today, clean your entire house, or you could simply sit on your porch, read a book, and enjoy the weather—and your value as a human has not changed.

You don’t have to accomplish anything to deserve love, respect, and acceptance, first from yourself. You are already worthy.

Three Tangible Takeaways

  1. Your Worth Is Not Earned You could accomplish everything on your to-do list today or simply sit and read a book, and your value as a human being remains exactly the same. Your worth is inherent, not earned through productivity.
  2. Productivity Based Self Worth Fuels Anxiety and Depression When you’re constantly trying to earn your worth, you inevitably add more and more to your plate, often sacrificing your own needs. This creates chronic stress patterns that impact your emotional and physical state. Action step: Sit down and do nothing at some point this week. Notice what comes up—how quickly does your brain offer up things you “should” be doing instead? If you cannot rest with ease, you’re likely living in sympathetic activation.
  3. This Untangling Work Must Be Intentional Take quiet moments to explore these questions: Why do I always overcommit? What would it look like if I didn’t? Why do I always say yes when I want to say no? What am I afraid would happen if I didn’t? Why are everybody else’s needs more of a priority than my own? Do I even know what my own needs are? What matters most to me, and is that what I’m spending most of my time, money, and energy on?

Looking for more personalized support?

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Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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