What To Do When Parenting Feels Dysregulating
Episode 32: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube
View transcript on Buzzsprout
Parenting can be beautiful—and brutal. For many, it’s not just the logistics that feel overwhelming, but the nervous system response it triggers: the overstimulation, the guilt, the daily whiplash between shutdown and reactivity. If you’ve ever felt like your kids send you into fight, flight, or freeze faster than anything else, you’re not alone. Whether you’re dealing with overstimulation, parental guilt, or the weight of your own upbringing, this is for you.
What We Cover in This Episode
- What it means when parenting feels like too much
- Why the balance between capacity and load matters
- How beliefs and expectations increase burnout
- What actually helps when you feel like you’re drowning
- Tangible ways to reduce overload and increase regulation
Why Parenting Feels So Overwhelming
Parenting is inherently demanding. Add mental health challenges, limited support, and unrealistic expectations—and overwhelm becomes the norm. The root issue? A mismatch between your load (everything you’re carrying) and your capacity (how much you can handle).
At Regulated Living, we use a stress bucket exercise to map both. Your “load” includes external responsibilities (like work, childcare, house tasks) and internal stressors (like anxiety, trauma, or sleep deprivation). Your “capacity” is influenced by things like nervous system regulation, nutrition, rest, and support. When your load outweighs your capacity, you hit burnout.
Healing starts with clarity. What are you carrying? What could change?
What Happens When Load Exceeds Capacity
Your nervous system responds to overload the same way it responds to danger: with dysregulation. You might go into fight-or-flight (irritability, yelling, snapping) or shutdown (numbness, withdrawal, fatigue).
And here’s the hard part: chronic overload makes it harder to recover. Without space to restore, the nervous system stays stuck in high-alert mode—which makes parenting feel unbearable even when nothing “major” is happening.
Why Beliefs Make It Worse
Most parents aren’t just managing their kids. They’re also managing a quiet, relentless set of beliefs:
- “A good parent doesn’t get overwhelmed.”
- “My kids should always be happy with me.”
- “If I need help, I’m failing.”
These beliefs are heavy. They contribute to shame and guilt and make it harder to take practical steps toward ease. Unlearning them is part of the healing process. That starts by asking: Says who? Who said your house must be spotless? Who said you have to do this alone?
The Power of Small Wins
When you’re burned out, sweeping life changes aren’t realistic. So we start with what we call strategic low lifts: changes that are doable, immediate, and meaningful.
That might look like:
- Letting go of one weekly obligation
- Creating a “quiet hour” with screens or solo play
- Hiring help (if possible) instead of buying more stuff
- Saying no without explanation
These actions may feel small, but they build momentum. More capacity means more resilience. More resilience means more regulation. And more regulation means more presence—for yourself and your kids.
Regulated Parenting Isn’t Perfect Parenting
You don’t need to be the perfect parent. You need to be a regulated one. That means being able to stay present during meltdowns. To hold boundaries without yelling. To model what repair looks like when you mess up.
And that kind of parenting requires capacity. It requires support.
We help parents build both inside our Regulated Living Membership, which includes access to tools, support and community for making these changes sustainable.
Three Tangible Takeaways
- Audit your load and capacity. Write out everything you’re managing—externally and internally. Then assess: What could shift? What support could you ask for?
- Start with one strategic low lift. What’s one thing you could delegate, delete, or simplify this week?
- Regulation first. Nervous system support isn’t a bonus. It’s the foundation for the kind of parenting you want to practice.
Looking for more personalized support?
- Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)
- Join me inside the Regulated Living Membership, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)
- Join my Release Class – Monthly guided nervous system regulation class
- Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!
- Download free resources here
*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
