Why We Choose Productivity Over Presence

Episode 51: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube
View transcript on Buzzsprout

In this episode, Amanda invites listeners into a deeply personal and timely conversation about the invisible tug-of-war between doing and being. What starts as a reflection on a Monday afternoon choice—laptop or laughter—unfolds into an exploration of how nervous system dysregulation, survival patterns, and productivity-based self-worth keep us chronically in motion. If you’ve ever struggled to rest, be present, or justify doing nothing, this episode is your invitation to pause.

---

What We Cover in This Episode

• What it means to “do” vs. “be”
• How survival mode wires us to overfunction
• Why presence can feel unsafe when we’re dysregulated
• Amanda’s personal story about trading connection for control
• How to practice presence (without forcing it)

---

Productivity as a Survival Strategy

Amanda opens with a series of questions that hit a little too close to home: When was the last time you sat on the porch for no reason? Played without a purpose? Listened without problem-solving? These aren’t just reflective prompts—they’re diagnostic markers of how safe our nervous systems feel being in stillness.

For many of us, especially those who grew up in environments where worth was tied to performance or people-pleasing, presence isn’t neutral. It feels threatening. Because when we stop doing, all the unprocessed emotion, anxiety, or unmet needs we’ve outrun catch up.

Why Doing Feels Safer Than Being

Amanda shares a formative story from a 2015 humanitarian retreat in Zambia. There, she was asked to spend the day simply being with children at a nonprofit. No tasks. No agenda. Just presence. And she couldn’t do it. She fled to the dishwashing station instead—because doing felt safer, clearer, and more acceptable than playing.

This story isn’t about dishes. It’s about how our systems cling to productivity when presence feels too vulnerable. Especially in high-achieving, high-stress lives, doing becomes our armor.

The Real-Time Struggle

Fast-forward to the present day: Amanda finds herself at a networking event, trying to choose between working on podcast outlines or lingering in conversation with friends. Every few minutes, the inner urgency to be productive hijacks her presence. It takes intentional nervous system awareness to override the pull and choose presence—and even then, it’s not easy.

This section highlights the real, ongoing tension many listeners face: the physiological and emotional discomfort that arises when we opt for rest over work, connection over task completion.

Why It’s So Hard to Be Here Now

When we live in survival mode, our nervous system becomes primed for hypervigilance. Doing keeps us ahead of potential threats. But the cost is disconnection—from ourselves, from others, from the moment we’re in. Amanda explains that for those with anxiety or trauma histories, not being productive can feel dangerous.

She also names how this shows up as “autopilot living”: going through the motions without feeling truly present. The brain can’t settle. The body can’t exhale. So even when we technically stop doing, we don’t feel the benefits of rest.

Building the Skill of Presence

Presence isn’t something you either have or don’t. It’s a skill—one that requires practice and safety. Amanda encourages listeners to start small:

• Set a timer. Sit on the couch. Do nothing. Notice what arises.
• When with others, check in: Am I listening to fix, or simply to be with?
• Stretch your tolerance for stillness just a few seconds longer than is comfortable.
  

She emphasizes: these micro-moments matter. Every time we show our nervous system that stillness is survivable, we build capacity for presence.

---

Three Tangible Takeaways

1. Doing is safer for dysregulated systems. If rest feels uncomfortable, there’s likely a survival pattern at play. You’re not broken.
   
2. Presence takes practice. Notice how often you can switch out of doing and into being. Awareness is the first step.
   
3. Start where you are. Try sitting still for just one extra breath. Then two. With time, your nervous system will learn that being is safe too.

---

Looking for more personalized support?

• Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)
• Join me inside the  Regulated Living Membership, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)
• Join my Release Class – Monthly guided nervous system regulation class
• Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!
• Download free resources here

*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.

---

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.