A Healing Reframe for Anxiety & Depression (Healing Reframes – Part 1)
Episode 74: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube
View transcript on Buzzsprout
This episode kicks off a two-part series on four powerful healing reframes originally shared through the lens of parenting—but deeply applicable to anyone healing anxiety, depression, or dysregulation. Today, we focus on the first reframe and why context and compassion matter just as much as action.
What We Cover in This Episode
- The first healing reframe: “How appropriate of me to… given that…”
- How context provides self-compassion—not excuses
- Why awareness alone isn’t enough: “So now what?”
- How cognitive reframing supports nervous system change
Why This Reframe Matters
This isn’t just “positive thinking.” The practice of reframing is a cornerstone of therapeutic work like Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Research shows that shifting our perspective on why we do what we do helps reduce anxiety and stress while building resilience. This first reframe gives you permission to see the physiological logic of your responses—not as failures, but as survival strategies that made sense at one time.
The Healing Mantra: “How Appropriate of Me to… Given That…”
Today’s reframe is a simple but profound sentence:
How appropriate of me to [insert behavior] given that [context or history].
The goal isn’t self-justification. It’s contextual validation—acknowledging that your behaviors or beliefs often formed in response to real, difficult conditions. This awareness softens self-blame just enough to allow for real change.
Here is how it works in practice:
| Behavior or Feeling | Context (“Given that…”) | So Now What? |
| Shutting down during feedback | Criticism was harsh and frequent in childhood | Explore body signals of shut‑down, create a strategy to stay present rather than disconnect |
| Perfectionism | Love and approval felt conditional on achievement | Experiment with letting something go unfinished or imperfect; notice that nothing catastrophic happens |
| Constant exhaustion | Chronic sleep deprivation and absent play in life | Prioritize rest or joy as essential; schedule minimal self‑care and accountability |
| Emotional reactivity to grief or triggering | Recent embryo transfer felt like past losses | Make space for grief; reduce demands; ask, “What can I do to rest into this sadness?” |
The Missing Piece: “So Now What?”
Compassion without action can feel validating but stagnant. That’s why the second half of this practice is asking a simple, powerful question:
So now what?
This moves your insight into intentional action. You’re not just validating the pattern—you’re creating space to shift it by exploring growth, new tools, and your next healing steps. Take some time to think about what in your life you might be able to put through this reframe in a helpful way.
Three Tangible Takeaways
- Use the healing reframe. Start with, “How appropriate of me to ________ given that _______.” Let it soften guilt or shame and open a new space for thought.
- Ask: “So now what?” Don’t stop at self-awareness. Use this question to invite growth through smaller actions, new responses, and somatic practice.
- Support integration through tools. Repeatedly pairing this mental reframe with embodied tools (somatic awareness, breathwork, journaling) is what reinforces lasting nervous system change.
Looking for more personalized support?
- Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)
- Join me inside the Regulated Living Membership, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)
- Join my Release Class – Monthly guided nervous system regulation class
- Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!
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Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
