Reactive Regulation: Lean In or Change Course?
Episode 99: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube
View transcript on Buzzsprout
We talk a lot about building proactive habits, but what about when you’re already there? What about when you’re already overwhelmed, disconnected, reactive, or spiraling? In these moments of dysregulation, reactive regulation is a term Amanda uses for the tools and strategies that can support. And in this episode, Amanda helps you build the capacity to recognize which response serves you best: staying with the emotion or actively shifting your state.
What We Cover in This Episode
- What reactive regulation actually is—and what it’s not
- The difference between leaning in and changing course
- How to approach dysregulation from both activated and shutdown states
- Real-life scripts, tools, and examples to use either way
When You’re Dysregulated, You Have Two Paths Forward
Reactive regulation is what we reach for in the moment—when we’re already activated or shut down. And in those moments, we often feel helpless, like we’re at the mercy of the state we’re in. And in some ways we are, our state can tangible change our physiology, perception, and how our brain is working. But when you get an inch of awareness and context for the state you’re in, it give you agency, it gives you two paths forward: to lean in or change course.
Leaning In vs. Changing Course: Know the Difference
To lean in means to acknowledge what you’re feeling, meet it with support, and allow yourself to stay. Maybe that means crying on the porch instead of pushing through. Or intentionally choosing quiet over productivity. It’s not about fixing—it’s about staying.
Changing course, on the other hand, is about gently shifting your state. Maybe you need to stay functional for work, or it’s not safe to express your emotions fully in the moment. That’s where nervous system tools come in: shaking, breathwork, movement, visual orientation—anything to downshift your state and decrease the intensity.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
If you’re in an activated (yellow zone) state—anxious, angry, spiraling—leaning in might look like letting yourself move, breathe, or feel. Changing course might mean shaking out tension, doing a physiological sigh, and refocusing.
If you’re in a shutdown (red zone) state—apathetic, numb, exhausted—leaning in could look like intentional stillness or asking for alone time. Changing course might mean slowly mobilizing: get up, change rooms, splash cold water, do one small task. Either way, the goal is not perfection. It’s support.
Why This Matters
Reactive tools aren’t a forever fix. They’re not meant to bypass deeper healing work. But they do offer something powerful: choice. And with practice, choosing to lean in builds our emotional capacity. Choosing to change course helps us keep going. Both are valid. Both are needed
Three Tangible Takeaways
- You have a choice. In moments of dysregulation, you can lean into the emotion or regulate and change course—both are helpful in different ways.
- Leaning in builds capacity. It teaches your system how to be with discomfort, instead of fearing it.
- Regulating creates function. Sometimes the goal isn’t depth—it’s stability. Learn the tools that help you shift when needed.
Looking for more personalized support?
- Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)
- Join me inside the Regulated Living Membership, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)
- Join my Release Class – Monthly guided nervous system regulation class
- Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!
- Download free resources here
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Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
