Real-Life Examples of Reactive Regulation (Back to the Basics Series – Part 6)
Episode 106: Spotify | Apple Podcasts | YouTube
View transcript on Buzzsprout
Ever had a moment where you were about to lose it—with your kid, your partner, or your inbox—and thought, “I know what I should do… but it feels impossible right now”? In this episode, Amanda takes the conceptual and makes it practical. She shares real stories from her week—the messy, human moments where reactive regulation tools made the difference between spiraling and staying steady.
What We Cover in This Episode
- A behind-the-scenes look at Amanda’s reactive regulation moment as a parent
- Why breathwork isn’t just for calming down
- How to stay with grief without getting pulled under
- What tool layering looks like in real-time
- From theory to practice, what reactive regulation looks like in real life
Parenting, Pressure, and the Power of a Pause
When Amanda felt the yell bubbling up during a chaotic school morning, she didn’t white-knuckle her way through. She used one of her go-to reactive tools: take a step back, clench fists on the inhale, and exhale with a shoulder drop. That micro-moment of awareness and action helped her shift from fight mode to a place of firm, grounded presence. She didn’t need to be perfectly calm—she just needed to avoid reacting in a way she’d regret.
This is why these tools matter: not to make you a robot, but to give you options in the moment of how you want to react (especially with the ones you care about most). Amanda reminds us that reactive regulation isn’t about erasing emotion—it’s about creating space between trigger and response. This is the work we walk through with clients inside Restore, our 1:1 coaching program, because knowing your tools and practicing them regularly changes everything.
Using Breath to Jumpstart Focus
A few days later, Amanda felt the familiar 2pm crash. Instead of scrolling or pouring another coffee, she reached for a breathwork practice: double inhale through the nose, forceful exhale through the mouth. It buzzed her awake. This wasn’t about numbing out—it was about supporting her nervous system to shift from sluggish to focused.
Here’s the kicker: if that slump happened daily, the deeper work would be to explore what’s behind it. Blood sugar? Sleep? Emotional burnout? That’s proactive regulation. But for a one-off? A breath pattern did the trick. Learning this distinction—when to dig deeper vs. when to regulate in the moment—is what happens when you start to understand how to assess and heal through a nervous system lens.
Reactive Regulation as a Way to Be With Grief
When grief surfaced around her late dog and a tender pregnancy milestone, Amanda didn’t try to fix it. She let herself cry. She took grief for walks. She swayed, tapped, oriented to her environment. She spoke gently to herself. This wasn’t about changing her state—it was about resourcing herself enough to stay present with it.
This is reactive resourcing in action. And it’s often the missing piece when people feel like tools “don’t work.” Sometimes, the win isn’t feeling better. It’s just being able to feel without being overwhelmed.
“Your nervous system doesn’t speak English. It speaks sensation.”
That’s why tools like movement, breath, and visual orientation work when thoughts alone don’t. And why building awareness of your personal cues—your unique stress “tells”—is so powerful.
This ties directly to what we teach through nervous system mapping inside the Regulated Living Membership: getting to know your specific signs of dysregulation so you can respond sooner, more effectively, and with more self-compassion.
Three Tangible Takeaways
- Tools work better when they’re practiced in low-stakes moments. Amanda didn’t magically regulate during a meltdown—she had practiced those steps in less charged settings first.
- You don’t have to fully shift your state to call a tool successful. If it takes the edge off enough to help you stay present, it’s working.
- Use different tools for different goals. Some tools shift your physiology. Others help you stay with emotion. Both are valid.
Looking for more personalized support?
- Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)
- Join me inside the Regulated Living Membership, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)
- Join my Release Class – Monthly guided nervous system regulation class
- Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!
- Download free resources here
*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
